Alcoholism And Addiction - Cunning, Baffling, Powerful!
Posted: Friday, April 24, 2009
by Michelle Mackin
Blogz.org Higher Level Blogging
Don't let your jaw drop to the floor when I tell you I haven't always been a pastor's wife nor led a Christian lifestyle in any manner. My previous vocation before this, doing books and taxes was drinking, using methamphetamines, lying and stealing. I even served twelve days in the county jail. Praise God that on November 11, 2008 I celebrated nine years clean and sober.
I started drinking, which led to other things, when I was fourteen. I already had screwed up thinking so when I added the alcohol it was on. I suddenly became outgoing with my peers, attractive, funny and everything I thought I wasn't before I took that first drink. I had arrived didn't you know? Many years after it was to late all those things I felt than, I felt again and the alcohol no longer worked.
I have heard many people comment that they are or were "functional alcoholics," I have to wonder what that is. For awhile I still had the relationship, house, car, job and kids, yet it wasn't long after that before I gave them all up for my Captain Morgan and whatever else I could get my hands on. I wonder what they are thinking. Okay, so maybe they still have all the stuff but how are their relationships with God and others? Do they come home from work and hide while they drink? I would assume that many can't wait for everyone to go to bed so they could pull out a bottle of their best friend and have a little drink to take the edge off.
If you're an alcoholic like I am than you already know that we can find any excuse to take that drink. Our disease tells us that it is okay and we deserve it. This is just the tip of the ice burg of how alcoholism can be cunning, baffling and powerful.
I attend meetings that remind me of who I am. The literature also tells me how cunning, baffling and powerful the disease is. It tells me that "drinking was but a symptom." My real problem was a spiritual malady. Malady meaning disease! Dis-ease. I was at dis-ease with God, myself and others. I was delusional and thought that if everyone would just do things my way than there would be no problems. Guess what? Today I am grateful that everyone doesn't do things my way. If that were the case, we would all be screwed up.
Today I choose to call God my higher power. He is capable and I am not. I will never believe that I am cured. Recovered from a seemingly hopeless disease I do believe. It depends upon my spiritual maintenance and can only be lived one day at a time.
The twelve steps and traditions are like food for me. I must use them everyday and keep them in a toolbox close by. I have also used the suggestion to listen to clergy and other religion practices. I am glad I did or I wouldn't be as blessed as I am today.
In case you're wondering what life was like before sobriety, check out Mark Parsec's article, "My Wife Of Crime." It will give you a little insight on some of the more stupid things I did and what I learned from them. It is an older article if you decide to read it so look back to article published a couple of years ago.
Thank God they let me into A.A. and that the only requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking!
Michelle Mackin is a pastor's wife. While working in business and bookkeeping she is a mother of three and grandmother of three. While her first desire is to serve the Lord, she also loves music, puzzles, lakes and the ocean. Michelle has no time to get bored. To read other articles go to Wordcasters, http://blogzorg.ning.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Michelle, I applaud you for transparency and putting it out there the way it was . . . and praise God, the way it is now! Even if you were not an alcoholic, just as I am not, it still requires taking each day, each step, moment . . . at a time. We get new tender mercies every day so I'm delighted it's setup that way. I'm thankful and so very happy for you, your family and the lives you'll touch with this message of hope!
Thank you, dear sister.
Hugging you with Love,
AvisThank you Avis,I just don't feel as though I am doing the Christian thing if I am not being transparent. If we had to be fake than who would want to hear our story? I hope this message will help anyone who may suffer from alcoholism or addiction. Your support is so much appreciated as I am finding it hard to get back in the loop of Searchwarp since the wonderful (NOT) winter I went through.Love, hugs and blessings always,Michelle"I just don't feel as though I am doing the Christian thing if I am not being transparent"
I couldn't agree with you more on that statement. Keep doing what you are doing because you're already "back!"
Enjoy a lovely weekend and thank you for my hugs, love and blessings!I will have a wonderful weekend. I get to babysit the newborn and oldest grandson tonite. Back at you with much love.
Hi Michelle,Great article. You mean to tell me that you haven't always been a prim and proper pastor's wife? What? You?Great testimony. Keep giving God the glory!Love you muchMarkPrim and proper? What is that? Thank you Mark and I will keep giving God all the glory. It is all because of Jesus I'm alive.Love you,Michelle
Great article sweetie. God works in mysterious ways and if just one person is helped by your article then it is well worth it. I agree with Avis, you are already back to Search Warp, far as I could tell you never left.Love you,MomThank you Mom,You know I hope that it was you that planted the seed. I have the best mom in the world.Love you,Michelle
Hey Michellie, thank you for sharing your story. I love it because it breeds hope and freedom. God is gracious and amazing! To him be the glory! Love you girlie! TeresaThank you Teresa,This life is the easier, softer way. I absolutely agree, to God be all the glory! Love right back at you.Love, hugs and blessings always,Michelle
I noticed on my original comments that I was not able to give you a rating... so here it goes... 5 5 5Love ya,Mark
Thanks for your story. Nice article.Thank you Andy,It is a pleasure meeting you.God bless,Michelle
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