My Name is Michelle and I am Powerless Over Diabetes
Posted: Friday, February 26, 2010
by Michelle Mackin
Blogz.org Higher Level Blogging
After suffering a recent heart attack, I have concluded that I am powerless over diabetes and that my life has become unmanageable. Now to some of you this may sound like a bad thing, but to me it is a blessing in disguise. In order for you to understand why I feel this way, let me explain.
First of all, I have not always been a diabetic. However, I have been a Type I Diabetic for well over 35 years now. So, diabetes is not something new to me. It is something that I have had to struggle with both night and day, year after year. I have gone as low as 18 on my sugar and well over 1,000. For those of you who are diabetics, you know how severe these ranges are. I have been rushed to the hospital countless times. I have neuropathy and all of the other nuisances that come along with diabetes.
For the majority of my life I have tried to prove that I was not going to allow my diabetes to slow me down. I didn't want people to pity me or think of me as disabled. In fact, when people would advise me to refrain from certain activities I would go ahead and do them anyway just to prove that I could. This wasn't always in my best interest because for many years I developed a drug and alcohol problem.
Nevertheless, for the most part I carried on a relatively normal life. I got married, had children, worked and even socialized like everyone else. But, time has a way of wearing down the body, and this is especially true with diabetics. No matter how many times I have tried to rationalize my declining health or simply stay in denial about it… the diabetes just keeps rearing up its ugly head only to say, "I am here to stay."
This became more than obvious to me when the doctors recently informed me that I had experienced a heart attack and that they would have to conduct tests to determine how severe the problem is and whether or not surgery will be required. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I was scared.
I was brought to the place of complete powerlessness over my health, my life, my future. In reality, that was a good thing for me. Because, as I had mentioned above, earlier in my life, when I thought I was Superwoman, I had developed a problem with drugs and alcohol. You see I AM an alcoholic and an addict. It is only by the grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have been clean and sober now for ten years.
Furthermore, if it had not been for the 12 Steps of recovery I would not possess the essential tools that I need to deal with my diabetes. I can come out of denial; I can admit my powerlessness and find recovery one day at a time for my condition. Because diabetes is more than just a malady of the body, it is a condition of the mind and heart.
I was finally able to admit that I AM powerless over my diabetes (Step 1 in recovery). I was also able to move on to Step 2... I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Well, it was kind of crazy of me, living all those years as if I was Superwoman and thinking that the diabetes would never take me down. It has brought me down alright. Down on my knees! And... that is exactly the place I needed to be to do Step 3…. Again! I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
Ahhh, how refreshing it is to be able to give my problems to God. You see, the way I understand Him is through Jesus Christ who said, "If you have seen Me you have seen the Father" and "The Father and I are One."
Since I have come to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior, he has done for me what I have not been able to do for myself. He said, "That which is impossible with man, is not impossible with God." He set me free from drugs and alcohol. Jesus said, "He who the Son sets free is free indeed." And if He could do all that then he could certainly handle my diabetes.
So… I'm giving it to Jesus. He said, "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." I'm so glad he said that, because I'm tired of carrying this load by myself.
Jesus… I give you my diabetes.
First of all, I have not always been a diabetic. However, I have been a Type I Diabetic for well over 35 years now. So, diabetes is not something new to me. It is something that I have had to struggle with both night and day, year after year. I have gone as low as 18 on my sugar and well over 1,000. For those of you who are diabetics, you know how severe these ranges are. I have been rushed to the hospital countless times. I have neuropathy and all of the other nuisances that come along with diabetes.
For the majority of my life I have tried to prove that I was not going to allow my diabetes to slow me down. I didn't want people to pity me or think of me as disabled. In fact, when people would advise me to refrain from certain activities I would go ahead and do them anyway just to prove that I could. This wasn't always in my best interest because for many years I developed a drug and alcohol problem.
Nevertheless, for the most part I carried on a relatively normal life. I got married, had children, worked and even socialized like everyone else. But, time has a way of wearing down the body, and this is especially true with diabetics. No matter how many times I have tried to rationalize my declining health or simply stay in denial about it… the diabetes just keeps rearing up its ugly head only to say, "I am here to stay."
This became more than obvious to me when the doctors recently informed me that I had experienced a heart attack and that they would have to conduct tests to determine how severe the problem is and whether or not surgery will be required. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I was scared.
I was brought to the place of complete powerlessness over my health, my life, my future. In reality, that was a good thing for me. Because, as I had mentioned above, earlier in my life, when I thought I was Superwoman, I had developed a problem with drugs and alcohol. You see I AM an alcoholic and an addict. It is only by the grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have been clean and sober now for ten years.
Furthermore, if it had not been for the 12 Steps of recovery I would not possess the essential tools that I need to deal with my diabetes. I can come out of denial; I can admit my powerlessness and find recovery one day at a time for my condition. Because diabetes is more than just a malady of the body, it is a condition of the mind and heart.
I was finally able to admit that I AM powerless over my diabetes (Step 1 in recovery). I was also able to move on to Step 2... I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Well, it was kind of crazy of me, living all those years as if I was Superwoman and thinking that the diabetes would never take me down. It has brought me down alright. Down on my knees! And... that is exactly the place I needed to be to do Step 3…. Again! I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
Ahhh, how refreshing it is to be able to give my problems to God. You see, the way I understand Him is through Jesus Christ who said, "If you have seen Me you have seen the Father" and "The Father and I are One."
Since I have come to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior, he has done for me what I have not been able to do for myself. He said, "That which is impossible with man, is not impossible with God." He set me free from drugs and alcohol. Jesus said, "He who the Son sets free is free indeed." And if He could do all that then he could certainly handle my diabetes.
So… I'm giving it to Jesus. He said, "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." I'm so glad he said that, because I'm tired of carrying this load by myself.
Jesus… I give you my diabetes.
Michelle Mackin is a pastor's wife. While working in business and bookkeeping she is a mother of three and grandmother of three. While her first desire is to serve the Lord, she also loves music, puzzles, lakes and the ocean. Michelle has no time to get bored. To read other articles go to Wordcasters, http://blogzorg.ning.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)This is a very inspiring story and people having the same health problem should know and realize that it is really not up to the doctors or medicines for a cure, these are just instruments, rather it is really up to our Almighty and our Faith to Him. May God Bless you and may His power of Love Heals you.Thank you Mitch,I have recieved many healings and until He says it is time to go home I am going to praise His name.Blessings,Michelle
HE is SO able, Michelle! I can see you (like in a reclining lounge chair) resting in His most capable arms! Hugs, MarijoAbsolutely Marijo,He is so able. Are you peeking in on me? I often recline in His arms.Love, hugs and blessings,Michelle
Just keep turning it over sweetheart. I love you.
Great story. Jesus is so able beyond our imaginations.I won't pity on you but will definitely pray for you sister.Regards, ChiradeepThank you Chiradeep,
I thank you since pitty is not what I am looking for. You hit the nail on the head as I too want people to see how Jesus is so able beyond our imagination.
Recently I was in the hospital and the doctor said I had a lump in my lungs. During my stay I told the doctor everything was okay and that the Lord was big. He looked down on me and said I couldn't go home that day because some test results hadn't come in yet and that the comment I made was subjective and not objective. Well the next day the doctor said the test showed negative (PTL) and I could go home. I smiled and he looked dumbfounded. We both know that the truth is the healing power of the Lord.
Blessings and love to you and your family.
Michelle
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